I think I'm about to start war in my family. This afternoon I received another political e-mail from my mom. Generally my mom knows not to send me e-mails that disagree with my politics because I know enough people who do that already, leaving me lots of e-mails that anger me. My usual response is to politely bite my tongue as I delete them. There were days that I'd fear I'd lose my tongue. I've deleted many e-mails about gift certificates and other scams. I usually reply about why not to delete the file with the teddy bear icon.
Today, I had an epiphany. My mom sent me an e-mail with a subject heading of "AGREE OR DELETE." I won't go into the details other than to say that I didn't agree with the arguments made. I thought about e-mailing my mom to tell her not to send me anymore e-mail of this content or tone and then realized it would appear rude as the e-mail requested that I politely delete it if I disagreed. It was articulating, ableit in nice words, what so many e-mails before had implied, agree or delete. I had a feeling like I was being systematically silenced and preached too.
I'm not the only one.
I'm putting the word out that things are going to change. I sent my mom an e-mail indicating that I didn't like the options agree or shut up and put her on notice that the next time I will not only share my mind with her but everyone else she sent the e-mail to. I will send a similar warning to every well meaning friend and relative. I will then follow through if they persist.
I'm not doing this to be cranky or angry, young woman. My philosophy is if people send me these e-mails, they want to raise the subject. My problem is that it is implied that I will agree or politely ignore it. I say "Forget that." Make e-mail meaningful. If they want to raise the subject, I will share my views. If they don't want my views on the subject, then I don't want theirs. I'm sick of being held hostage.
I would put forth a further challenge. Don't pass on mass forwarded e-mails. These things make people far too passive and don't constitute a meaningful correspondence. I will admit, I have even been prone to these e-mails. I remember getting (and passing on) one giving tips for women on ways to avoid becoming a rape victim. Last month, I found a website that analyzed this e-mail and its variants in consultation with experts and demonstrated a lot of the information as false and on a few items more likely to result in rape. Ouch. I had liked this e-mail and even it had problems.
New resolution: Don't forward these forwarded e-mails out of habit.
For those containing "factual" information, read it and validate the information indepently before forwarding it and including the validating information. If you lack the time or resources to do this, write back to the person who sent it to you and ask them to validate the info. Do this enough times and they will get the hint and either stop sending you these e-mails or start critically reading and validating the e-mails themselves.
For those e-mails that can be described as "cutesy" or "sentimental," one really hates to argue about someone sending those. Instead, if you want to forward it to someone, let them know specifically why the e-mail made you think of them. It makes these e-mails much more meaningful. Sure, it's not as easy as clicking the forward button and then adding a list of names to the send or copy box. However, this is e-mail, it's not that hard. You are saving a ton of time already. Use the time to personalize the message.
For those e-mails containing a "persuasive" or "opinion" related focus, critically read it and reply to the sender. Do this whether you agree or disagree. If you feel for whatever reason that you want to forward it to others of your acquaintance, include what you like and dislike about the e-mail and invite the recipients to share their views with you. When you get a response, acknowledge it and continue the discussion. Let the recipient know that their views are of interest to you regardless of their relationship to your own views.
Ultimately, I want to see the quality of e-mail correspondence improved. Everyone raves about the convenience and how it brings people together. Really think about the e-mails you send and receive. Do you feel they effectively communicate to friends and family in a meaningful way? I think this new resolution can not only save people from "AGREE OR DELETE" but lead to more thought provoking and meaningful e-mail communications.
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