Well, life is starting to bear some resemblance of normalcy again. Now that the criticals are taken care of, it frees my mind up to think about what happened, which is a mixed blessing. Last night, I cried myself to sleep. It was the first real cry that I've had since the fire, and once I got started, I kept going.

Needless to say, I didn't feel to rested this morning.

It's so hard to judge how I'm handling this. It's my first major trauma. I don't want to ignore my feelings, but I don't want to be self-centered either. I keep thinking back to what the Red Cross trauma counselor said, "You can't control your feelings." Guess I can't take credit or the blame for them, yet it's still another thing I have limited control of since the fire.

If the arsonist is convicted, I want to speak at the sentence hearing. I want him to hear what impact his actions had on my life. I guess I can't expect him to understand me when I can't understand why he did it.